It took 302 days to hear the word benign without the word “but”, at the end.
My oncologist had called almost 3 weeks prior to say his team was going to have to examine my biopsy slides to determine the pathology.
2 weeks passed, and it approached 3, I almost called. My patience was paper thin.
“How does it take so long to put a slide under a microscope?!”
I almost called, but I remembered the lessons this was supposed to be teaching me. Be patient, focus on the facts, and face uncertainty without fear.
In my darkest moments, I knew I might have cancer. I knew that from the moment the nodule was found. Nodules are not uncommon, but most don’t need to be biopsied. Most lead to obviously benign diagnosis if you do progress beyond needing an ultrasound. With each muddled step, I knew I was potentially approaching the 2-3% that have their lives changed in an instant.
302 days of being patient. 302 days of struggling to be patient. Looking back to count those days, I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. The nodule had been found on April 1st.
I’m not out of the woods yet. The ultrasound showed a second nodule. One that was smaller, too small to biopsy yet, and in a higher cancer risk category to the one I’ve had checked.
For now I feel the rush of relief. I’m staying in this moment, knowing that in future moments of uncertainty, I can pull from this experience. This experience changed my life. For that reason I simply can’t regret a moment of it.
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