This time it was decided that I would go to my biopsy on my own. They fall on Tuesdays, when I am off, and my husband had already taken many days off for my appointments, at this point.
My anxiety was a bit high as I headed out the door. It’s the logistics that get me. Parking, finding where I need to go, traffic, getting out of the house on time.
My appointment was at 8:45am, so I was leaving my house earlier than I normally would. Repeating instructions for my youngest, over and over, because I wasn’t going to be home to see her off to school.
“Don’t be late. Leave on time. Don’t forget to lock the door. Pay attention to the ice while walking.”
I pulled into the parking lot, and began the process of figuring out their parking. Back and forth between ticket machines, and the ticket booth. One of those logistical nightmares I had been dreading. It seems like it should be illegal to have to pay for parking at the hospital. People under the stress of testing for serious diseases, or visiting dying loved ones, worrying over testy technology.
There is a general check-in area for all types of imaging. Doris, the 90 something year old volunteer, will guide you where to go to grab a number, and wait your turn.
I got called up and the nervous humour started.
“Have you been in contact with anyone who has measles in the last 3 weeks?”
“I sure as hell hope not!” I laughed.
She just stared at me.
I got my form and headed down the hall to the waiting room. I was barely in a seat for a moment before I got called into the changing area.
I knew the rundown. Top and bra off, gown open to the front. Belongings all go in the locker, lock the lock and take the key.
Before I went to the room, I grounded myself. Closed my eyes, felt my feet and told myself I was grounded, safe and protected. Rooted, stable and secure.
I had the ultrasound component first before the radiologist came in. He told me he would be freezing my neck and taking 3 samples.
First they clean your neck with a pink solution that stains your skin. I was thinking about how I had gone to a garden centre right after the first biopsy. Today I would be going to finish up my Christmas shopping. Let people stare. There is no easy way to get this stuff off.
“Okay I am going to freeze you now. Just a little prick, and some burning.”
A little worse than last time. I took this time to call in my spirit guides, guardian angel, Archangel Raphael, my Mom and my Nan. I felt a twinge behind my eyes when I thought of my Mom and Nan. I almost thought I might cry for a second.
“I am going to take the first sample now.”
Where the first radiologist had been slow and methodical with sliding the needle back and forth to gather cells, this guy was a jiggler. Rapid up and down, back and forth. I was glad I couldn’t feel more than just the initial pressure. Think of it like getting blood drawn. Which each replacement vile, you feel pressure. That is what I felt in my throat. I just laid there with my neck extended, and turned to the left.
Before I knew it, it was over. My neck already starting to feel a bit sore.
“I wish all of my patients were like you.”
“Are your patients not usually like me?”
“You are very calm.”
Little did he know that I had called in an angelic army to calm me.
“Well, I have been through this before. That, and I grounded myself before we got started. That helped.”
Fingers crossed that this test will provide the clarity I am after. I should have the results by mid January.
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