The day of the retreat had arrived. I headed over tentatively. I was still contemplating the significance of this. I knew there had to be a reason I ended up connecting with S.
When I first heard from her as a response to my Facebook post, it seemed to just be a nice coincidence that she had a meditation and sound bath planned for the day of my oncology appointment. When she told me she also had a throat chakra retreat planned, well, that was when I found it hard to believe she hadn’t intentionally been placed on my path.
The retreat was half a day, taking place in her home studio. We would be spending the day meditating, journaling, sharing and eating. All of this would be capped off with a sound bath.
It was a small group of ladies. We went through our introductions and started talking about what had brought us to the retreat, and our connection to the throat chakra.
Our throat chakra is the energy centre in our throat. It is responsible for communication and truth. Many of the women had felt silenced as children, the idea of kids being seen, but not heard. For many that had created anxiety issues around public speaking, or simply stopped them from using their voices.
The lady who spoke before me had been crying. I took note of it. I didn’t judge her but it made me feel a bit squeamish, the idea of being so open with people we mostly didn’t know.
My turn came to share. I had been rehearsing it in my head.
“My journey started as something health related that lead me to meditation. I ended up meeting S & L through a Facebook post while looking for meditation classes.
I mentioned the events S had told me about, and how this one hardly felt like a coincidence to me.
As I started to get into my health issues, and the fact that I might have cancer, I felt a burning in my throat. That constricting and swallowing that starts before you cry. I was horrified. I tried to trample it down, but I couldn’t.
I was ugly crying. Sobbing, gulping and gasping. I couldn’t speak. I just cried. Whispering “sorry”, inbetween gasps as I tried to collect myself. They sat in silence while I gathered myself. It wasn’t rushed, or uncomfortable, it just was.
I realized then that I hadn’t cried throughout this whole process, not really. I cried for a moment when I got my biopsy report. It almost felt like crying was omission of belief. The belief that I did have cancer. I felt my mind go into those dark corners as I lay awake in bed sometimes, but I also felt that thinking it, becomes living it.
When I stopped crying, I managed to continue speaking. I spoke of the fear I had around my possible diagnosis. The fact that I should have some answers soon. I noticed that I didn’t feel that heavy, emotional drain that I normally would after crying like that. The kind that leaves you yearning for a nap. I just felt lighter.
The rest of the day passed by peacefully. We ate lots of brie and baguettes, journaled some prompts about the throat chakra, and did some breath work and meditation.
It takes a lot for me to feel comfortable with people, and yet I was at ease. I was starting to encounter people who were aligned with the new path I was on. A path that was entirely different than any path I had yet to venture on. A path that makes you feel vulnerable at times, and yet it was also rewarding. Peeling away the layers of yourself that had left you numb.
L, who ran the sound bath component of these events, and I had connected over crystals. She had told me about an amazing wholesaler out in Fergus that will be visiting soon. She also gifted us each a beautiful piece of raw kyanite, which is connected to the throat chakra.
S knew of my love of crystals as well. She even asked if I taught a crystal classes. During our conversation she mentioned being drawn to moss agate. I decided that I would get her one, her first crystal, for when I saw her next. She had found herself drawn to it, and I know how special that feeling can be. Though, if you asked my husband, he would tell you that I have been drawn to far too many crystals 😅.
After our journaling we were asked if we would like to share anything else. A lot of the prompts during our journaling were about speaking your truth. I have come to realize that for many, speaking the truth is the easy part. It is living your truth that can be most difficult. Often, people believe that if they unburden themselves with words, that is enough to move forward. If we speak, and never learn, never change our behaviours, our words have just been empty. That is something I realized during my time with the group.
I ended up buying S a tree agate. It reminded me of the trees in her backyard that I experienced during my first sound bath meditation with her and L. It felt really nice to be the one to give her the first crystal, and she was touched that I remembered her mentioning it.
Tree agate is the sister to both dendritic agate, and moss agate. It helps you connect with nature, and to reconnect with your inner child. A gift from my heart to a new friend, to help connect her to her heart chakra. A token of appreciation for helping me communicate my emotions around my cancer scare, for the first time.
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