I had noticed a shift in my meditations. I was not experiencing as many visuals as before. I would have my guides come through at the beginning of each session, maybe see some lights or shapes, but that would be all that I would remember.
I had a few significant sessions early on. One involved my mother coming through, and the other was an inner child encounter. Seeing visuals, or having encounters felt constructive. Being in darkness, or even worse, remembering nothing at all, seemed like a step in the wrong direction.
I may have not been retaining anything, but I wasn’t unconscious. I was somewhere inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness. Unfortunately for me, my desire to have control, mixed with curiosity, had me fighting to be present. I could have been in the spirit realm learning all the lessons, healing emotional wounds, but I still had to know. I simply couldn’t trust the process.
During my next meditation, I asked to remain present. I asked to retain what was happening during my session, and boy did I get what I asked for. I had a very vivid, dreamlike meditation. It was about a young boy who got separated from his parents during a street festival. He waits, and waits for them to return and then it starts to rain, as the sun goes down. No one ever showed up. It was unsettling, it had me thinking about childhood memories that just made me uncomfortable.
Later that morning I sent a voice note to my friend Megan while I walked my dog. She has been involved in the metaphysical world for 10 years. It is important to have people you can speak openly with when you start your spiritual awakening.
In my voice note I talked about my meditation and how it was unlike anything that had ever happened to me before. I had begun to question whether or not I had fallen asleep. All of my crystals had remained in place. Had I gotten what I had asked for, or had I simply fallen back to sleep?
As soon as I fired off the voice note, questioning my experience, I heard a rustling in the trees above me. I looked up just in time to see a crab apple coming directly at my face. It narrowly missed me and rolled along the wood chip trail, before coming to a haul. The timing was incredible. Questioning the process, yet again, with my silly, overly analytical brain.
I went to take a picture of the apple and fire off another voice note to Megan telling her how funny the timing of it all was. As I went to send her the picture, I noticed something.
In the bottom left corner was a leaf shaped like a heart. I sent the photo to my husband and asked him what he saw.
“I see a heart.”
“Me too!”
“What does that mean to you?”
“I think it was my guides way of saying “wake up!” You got what you asked for, and we come from a place of love.”
Launching an apple at my head was a bit much, but I had found it amusing. So much energy in my life had been devoted to questioning instead of just accepting and receiving.
That night I tried out a meditation class. I wasn’t sure what to expect since I found most metaphysical classes have very vague, and fluffy descriptions.
There were 4 of us in the class, and one instructor. The instructor proceeded to tell us that the class was divinely lead. Beforehand she would channel and certain archangels would come through. We spent the first half of the class discussing the angels that had come through, their characteristics, and what you could call on them for.
I didn’t really feel as though the class was for me. There was a man in the class that was rather overwhelming, with an air of being judgmental. I found myself annoyed with his constant interjections, and that simply wasn’t the mindset I was looking for.
We passed around a bowl with some strips of paper on them. Each piece of paper had a word on it that we were meant to use to describe our current place in our journey. The other three went before me. After they were done, the instructor would say which archangel she saw standing behind them. Each angel had been one that had come through that evening.
When it was my turn, I pulled the word ‘delight’.
“While I wouldn’t say this is a word I tend to use, I have found myself pleasantly surprised during this new journey I am on. It started with some health related issues, that are still ongoing, but mediation has really helped changed my mindset.”
“Well Amanda, the archangel I see behind you is Archangel Raphael. He’s the angel of health.”
My inner skeptic came roaring out. I found myself thinking ‘Oh come off it lady! I finish saying I have health related issues and the archangel of health just conveniently happens to be standing behind me.‘ He hadn’t even been an angel we had discussed that night.
At that point, I was ready to go home. I had been on a search for a great meditation class, and this just wasn’t it for me. We did our guided meditation, and then class was over.
“Before you leave, you are welcome to take an oracle card.”
On the floor, on a mat, were 6 oracle cards in each corner.
To my right had been a card I had noticed throughout the night. It was slightly overlapping another. I went up to it and took it. When I flipped it over, my breath caught in my throat.
“What the hell is happening”, I whispered.
“What card did you draw, Amanda?”
I showed her.
“Oh wow! You know, he wasn’t even one of the archangels that came through when I was channeling, and yet he was here.”
The next morning, I was telling my oldest daughter the story. Right as I finished, I went to grab my coffee. We have a fancy machine with the milk foam, and when I went to pick it up, something caught my eye.
A heart was indented in the foam.
“Oh Mom, Raphael loves you.”
“Ya Mom, he wants to marry you, because he loooooves you.”
My youngest daughter is quite the character.
“Trust me when I say this isn’t where the angel comes down to earth and impregnates a human. I’ve read books like that, and this isn’t it.”
All joking aside, I was receiving signs and messages that I just couldn’t brush off as being a coincidence. My brain wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information. All I knew is I was strapped into this rollercoaster seat, and I had no clue where it would take me next.
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